Round 2

         It's been raining for a while now. A rain that seems like it will go on forever by it's constant fall without a break. How am I just now seeing the beauty in it? Listening to this rain constantly falling to the earth beneath my feet sounds like a song from God. A form of poetry that displays His beauty. Each drop a single letter from a song that we get the gift of hearing. The melody of these drops from this grey sky brings a type of serenity and peace to the chaotic nature of my everyday life. A peace that I have been searching for. The calmness that I needed. The flowing waves of this gentle rain is painting a picture in front of me. A picture that displays glowing street lights and water running down the windows of children longingly looking out. A beautiful picture, with the sweet smell of the beginning of Autumn mixed with pumpkin spice and the distinct smell of a fireplace. Not even my damp socks could take those wonders away from me.

          I wish I could form the words to accurately describe how I have been feeling lately. Like I am a shell in which my soul has lifted from my body and is watching me struggle from above. I am a ghost, looking, running, hoping, praying for a distraction from my inability to find a safe haven. It's like there is a silence in my soul, an echo in my bones, a chill in my blood, where I just sit in the sun hoping it will bring some warmth back. It's painful, a bearable pain, but it hurts night after night. I used to be a joyous giver. A lover. Now all I have to offer is a skinny love, shallow and brief, finding any reason to excuse myself from others presence. That's what hurts the most. I have never felt so worthless or disposable, so wretched or cold. This void of loneliness is so consuming, it's like there's times when it is all I can think about. The feeling of being alone in a crowded room. Talking to people but having zero clue what the conversation is ab...