Round 2

        Why do bad things happen? Why is there suffering, hurt, and a consuming pain that is physical and emotional in this world? How does God let this happen? Chapel today taught me a lesson about who God is that opened my eyes to something that I think is truly beautiful. There is something special about being present in your suffering, and in your time of trials. Something special about finding peace within the fact that our pain that we endure here on earth is the closest that we are ever going to get to hell, this is the worst it gets. We get served hardships that have the ability to draw us closer to this fallen angel who joys in our pain, while we have a savior who has endured so much worse than we ever will, and yet He CHOOSES to go through our struggles with us. My pain is His pain. But here's the best part. We can fall into the sadness and depression or anger, or whatever it is for you that keeps you from being overcome with pure and untainted joy, but all...

Fall is one of my favorite seasons. It is the time that the weather starts changing, the leaves start falling, and it is so close to the best time of year. The time spent with family at home sharing stories while sitting and laughing around the thanksgiving table, and baking cookies for santa clause while spreading Christmas cheer. The time to appreciate sweet friendships and show your family your love with kind words, bear hugs, and well thought out gifts that make tears of joy form in their eyes from opening it. I think think is the most cherished memories of life. I can't wait. I love being in Abilene but I can not wait for time spent with the ones who I am so far away from. Friends who go to school over a thousand miles away in Utah and affirming dogs who never fail to show their love or brighten your day. Not having a dog with me is truly one of the hardest parts about being stuck in a college dorm, but the blessings outweigh the inconveniences.          ...

         It's been raining for a while now. A rain that seems like it will go on forever by it's constant fall without a break. How am I just now seeing the beauty in it? Listening to this rain constantly falling to the earth beneath my feet sounds like a song from God. A form of poetry that displays His beauty. Each drop a single letter from a song that we get the gift of hearing. The melody of these drops from this grey sky brings a type of serenity and peace to the chaotic nature of my everyday life. A peace that I have been searching for. The calmness that I needed. The flowing waves of this gentle rain is painting a picture in front of me. A picture that displays glowing street lights and water running down the windows of children longingly looking out. A beautiful picture, with the sweet smell of the beginning of Autumn mixed with pumpkin spice and the distinct smell of a fireplace. Not even my damp socks could take those wonders away from me.

          I wish I could form the words to accurately describe how I have been feeling lately. Like I am a shell in which my soul has lifted from my body and is watching me struggle from above. I am a ghost, looking, running, hoping, praying for a distraction from my inability to find a safe haven. It's like there is a silence in my soul, an echo in my bones, a chill in my blood, where I just sit in the sun hoping it will bring some warmth back. It's painful, a bearable pain, but it hurts night after night. I used to be a joyous giver. A lover. Now all I have to offer is a skinny love, shallow and brief, finding any reason to excuse myself from others presence. That's what hurts the most. I have never felt so worthless or disposable, so wretched or cold. This void of loneliness is so consuming, it's like there's times when it is all I can think about. The feeling of being alone in a crowded room. Talking to people but having zero clue what the conversation is ab...

         I'm not entirely sure where I am going to go with this but, i'm just gonna start talking and see where I end up. Okay, so we are in the second week of school and that means that rushes start next week and then hopefully pledging afterwards. So this Sunday we have Teas, which basically just means that we have to go all around campus and visit with every single club and it lasts about 6 hours. That is 6 hours of having to walk around campus and making myself be social for a while. But I am really excited to meet new people and get to know some different clubs. I already have in my mind that I want to be a kojie, but I also don't want to be so in my head about it that I don't truly consider other clubs and give them the chance that they deserve, because I know that all of them have some really great qualities. So i'm trying to go in being open-minded but also I would love it if I got to be a kojie. Also, oh here's a funny story, so yesterday I was kind of ...

            Summer 2018. One for the books. An absolutely unforgettable experience in every aspect of the word. From summer flings, to unmanageable campers, to late nights in Michelles office, to building relationships that will last a lifetime, to breakdowns slowly becoming more frequent as the summer progressed, to growing in my own faith with the Lord, to being able to share that with kids, my summer was reckless, overwhelming, incredible, and most importantly, unforgettable. Going into Deer Creek I knew no one, I was placed in Michelle's cov and God took care of the rest. OT week is where the relationships started forming, and I hadn't even realized it. I'll never forget our sunset worship, where Avery sang and for two hours my heart was aching, aching from past sins, regret, shame, guilt, confusion, and an overwhelming sense of unworthiness for Jesus to still love me the way He does, the unworthiness of Jesus to fight for me the way he does, I am so un...